Durere

The next time you have a “I hate my Job” day, (even if you’re retired, you have those sometimes too), try this: a rectal thermometer.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy, go to the Thermometer Section, and purchase a “Rectal” thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to only get this brand.

When you get home, lock the doors, draw the curtains, and disconnect the phone, so you won’t be disturbed. Now, change into your most comfortable clothes, and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Place it carefully on a table or a flat surface so it will not become scratched, chipped, or broken. (OK, stop giggling and don’t get ahead of me.)

Now the fun begins:

Take the literature from the box and read it very carefully. You’ll notice in very fine, small print the following statement: “Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: “I’m so glad that I do not work in the Thermometer Quality Control Department at Johnson & Johnson!”